Joke of the day

[Jack]

Did it come out of its "GoldenEye" ?

[kiwikrasher]

Little Johnny goes running into find his mum..

"Mum! Mum! Nan's got a prawn!!

"What are you taking about Johnny?" says mum.

"Nan's got a prawn! Come on I'll show you!"

So he drags her into the lounge where Nan is asleep on the couch, her dress has ridden up, and has no underwear on, so everything is hanging out.

"See!" He says pointing at her junk, "told you!"

"Johnny, that's not a prawn" says his mum

"Well it sure tastes like one!!"

[Bratty]

[D41]

Lololol!

[Kwacky]

My muscle building friend died by overdosing on takeaway protein shakes. It's sad, but what a whey to go

[Deegee]

A Businessman was driving round some streets in a busy part of London worrying because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Church every Sunday, give up drinking, gambling and will get married to a good woman and settle down".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared not 5 cars lengths away from him.

The Businessman looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one!".

[Kwacky]

How does the moon cut the sun's hair?

Eclipse it.

[kiwikrasher]

How does the moon cut the sun's hair?

Eclipse it.

That's such a dad joke

[kiwikrasher]

I'll see your dad joke and raise you one ....

What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?


Udder destruction.

[duke63]

Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.
I watched all 50 minutes of it..........never saw her once.
She still hasn't come home yet.
I'm starving.

[D41]

Lolol!

[duke63]

Stevie Gerrard's Opta performance heat map from today's game at Anfield.

[Kwacky]

I was in the pub last night when the barman asked me, "How come I never see you in here with Pete any more?"

I asked him, "Would you drink with a bloke who's a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, always tries to squirm out of his round, jealous of everything you have, and when your back is turned he tries to feck your wife and daughter?"

"Bloody hell! No!" he said, somewhat flabbergasted.

"Well, neither would Pete "

[Monty]

[kiwikrasher]

Aussie Fact.jpg

[Kwacky]

Man walks into the doctors with a lettuce leaf in his arse.

Doctor looks and proclaims " how the hell did you get a lettuce leaf in your arse??"

Bloke replies "oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg.."

[Kwacky]

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwN6dPNXklg[/video]

[Monty]

Class!

[duke63]

When you claim to be the greatest rock and roll artist on the planet you really need a few decent songs to back it up.

[Norfolknchance]