What do you want to vent about today?

[Stonesie]

Today's vent, mamils, the middle aged men in lycra are out in force in thick fog, in dark clothing, with no lights on the bikes...

Nearly skittled a bunch of them

And twits who can't use fog lights, I nearly rear ended a white Evoque because until it's brake lights came on I had no idea it was there...

[Cav]

The reason the Evoque driver didn't have their fog lights on is because everyone seems to think daytime running lights and Auto Lights do everything for you. I had to tell my lift share to put their lights on so many times in bad conditions.

[D41]

Backseat driver.

[kiwikrasher]

my offshore exit plan has hit a roadblock. The new distillery company that I have been in talks with, had their brand name trademarked (i'm under a non-disclosure so can't say what it is, but it's a very iconic Australian name) but another Australian distillery has recently released a gin version using the same name with no legal right to... so it's gone to lawyers to start proceedings.

Likely too all still go ahead, just now delayed in legal BS

[duke63]

Just call it Pissed and Broke, instead.

[kiwikrasher]

Just call it Pissed and Broke, instead.

Yeah, might not have the same marketing pull as their trademarked name

[Cav]

Bit of a rant and this may not make any sense to some of you. I also don't anticipate responses from anyone, I just need to get my feelings into words.

I believe I've spoken before about the situation between my Dad and I.... there's an update. He brought it up with his Sister (my Aunty) yesterday and she told me all about it.

3 years ago he did the same thing with my grandparents, claiming he tried contacting me but I didn't reply. He didn't. He had my correct number but he never made an attempt - he just wanted me to be the one to contact him (both my parents play games).

Well this time seems no different... he was asking questions like, "do I miss him?", "do I bring him up?" and then making comments along the lines of "I know 'Cav' thinks he left the ball in my court but he really didn't". Essentially he believes he was done wrong by me and once again he wants me to make the first move. He kept repeating the phrase "life is too short"... I've been repeating the exact same phrase the whole time yet no one stuck up for me and had a word with my Dad. They just kept telling me to try again. 7 times I tried. 7 times he fvxked up. Life is too short.... to be miserable.... so I cut him out.

I reiterated everything I said 2 years ago with my Aunty, explaining that I wouldn't change a single thing I said or did. I'm MUCH happier without him and his games in my life and I still don't want him in my life if he isn't going to try and be a better person.

Another thing he said was "I don't want to get hurt if I reach out to him and he tells me he doesn't want me around". Quite simply he still cannot risk his pride or his ego for his own son. The ball is firmly in his court as I explained to him at the time, I just want the next time he opens to door into my life - he actually wants to make it work.



Where does this leave me? Hurting, confused, angered, frustrated and disappointed. I keep getting asked, "What do you want from your Dad", "How would you feel if....", and "Do you want him in your life?". I don't know the answer to these questions and frankly, there are more answers than one for each of these questions. I don't know what I want other than for him to be the adult he needs to be for a relationship to work.

[Monty]

Get how you feel down on paper and write to him, there's no way either of you can't sort anything out talking via third parties.

[Kwacky]

I can sort of relate. My step mum is a bit of a bitch and she's done an excellent job of prising my dad away from pretty everyone he knew before he met her.

My dad and my brother fell out a few years ago. Guess who orchestrated that one? Since then my brother has recovered from testicular cancer, severe depression and had 2 kids. I've made mention of these facts to my dad as they've happened but he's shrugged them off. Recently he's asked if I've seen my brother but shown no more interest. The last time he hinted that his wife wouldn't want him to contact his own son!

She's not been to my new house. We've been here for 2 years.

But she plays the victim. My brother was the one who upset her. Me and Sam haven't invited her round (We have, several times. 3 times she's failed to turn up, sending my dad on his own, so we've given up). My kids ruined her holiday (very long story but that was her last attempt to cause me and my dad to fall out).

I tell my brother when I see my dad and my brother shows an interest. But his view is that he's coped without dad and in his opinion if dad loved my brother than he wouldn't have allowed his wife to force them apart. Basically he's accepted he's never going to see his dad and that his kids are never going to see their granddad.

Families can be the best and they can be the worst. Personally I don't see why you shouldn't treat them the same way as you would treat a friend or a partner. Ask yourself if you would want a relationship with this person if you weren't related.

[D41]

/\/\/\ Good advice right there.

[Monty]

Personally I don't see why you shouldn't treat them the same way as you would treat a friend or a partner. Ask yourself if you would want a relationship with this person if you weren't related.

My in-laws are just about to find out the answer to that question!

[StMarks]

Get how you feel down on paper and write to him, there's no way either of you can't sort anything out talking via third parties.

Fwiw ^this^ imho.

Putting your thoughts & concerns down in writing can be very cathartic (as you already know well), and can also help you figure out & analyse your own feelings.
Write a letter. Put it aside for a day or two, then go back & read it afresh to make sure it says what you want it to & how you want it to (rather than send it straight away).

......Families can be the best and they can be the worst. Personally I don't see why you shouldn't treat them the same way as you would treat a friend or a partner. Ask yourself if you would want a relationship with this person if you weren't related.

Good advice indeed.
However (as the old saying goes) "you can choose your friends, but not your relatives"
Your friends can come & go as you or they desire. Your relatives are with you for life, and managing relationships with people you wouldn't necessarily desire to relate with can actually be a valuable & worthwhile skill imho.

[Cav]

I can sort of relate. My step mum is a bit of a bitch and she's done an excellent job of prising my dad away from pretty everyone he knew before he met her.

Ask yourself if you would want a relationship with this person if you weren't related.

Our situations are eerily similar. My step mum is the cause of our 7 times of trying failing.

No I wouldn't want a relationship with him if it wasn't for our blood-tie.

Thing is, I've questioned myself about all of this. I've never had many friends and I don't have good relationships with either of my parents. I question whether I'm the problem. On the flipside of that, I have a very good bullsh!t filter and I don't tolerate drama or incompetence. My few friends are solid friends and I spend a lot of time with the family members I'm closest with.

[Kwacky]

That doesn't sound like you've got a problem. That sounds like you've decided how best to invest your time and energy.

[kiwikrasher]

That doesn't sound like you've got a problem. That sounds like you've decided how best to invest your time and energy.

Exactly that

I haven't lived with my mother since I was 2. I got taken from her and dad got full custody as she went to jail for drug offences. she left me in a house alone for 3 days prior to her arrest and I was hospitalised with malnutrition.

Since then I have had 2 visits to her in my childhood and then I made the effort to reconnect in my early twenties. Every time I have been bitterly disappointed. After both kids were born we did trips to NZ for family to met them, and given she lives at the very bottom of the south island and all my family are in the north Island I said since I've travelled internationally she can make the effort to come up north. She has never made it. I invited her to my wedding, 12 months after she inherited $30K from my Nan dying, told me she couldn't afford to fly over.

She pissed me off yet again over the kids birthdays and I told her not to bother if she wasn't going to at least ring or facetime occasionally so they knew who the hell she was, she chose not to bother. I have had no contact for 8 yrs.

Then last break home would've been dad and her 50th anniversary had they stayed married. She rang him and blabbed on about how ungrateful I was and I'd blocked her out of my life.

I get nothing positive from a relationship with her, quite the opposite, so I'm in the same boat.. she can rot for all I care.

[Monty]

There's something really **** up with that generation!

[Cav]

Monty.. my parents are in Kiwi and Kwacky's generation.... don't want to start another Tankslap War!!!

[Monty]

There's something really **** up with our generation!

[Jack]

I haven't had any contact at all with my father since I was 18 , can't say I feel deprived in any way .

[kiwikrasher]

Monty.. my parents are in Kiwi and Kwacky's generation.... don't want to start another Tankslap War!!!

You are more likely to cause a war making us feel that old you young whipper snapper




Maybe we need a seperate “why my parents are shite” thread