The Big C ......

[MLR193]

Great news, good news no matter how big or small at the end of the day is still good news! Happy days keep pushing

[Spudda]

Hiya folks ... seems like ages since I last posted

Her healing process is going really well and her mobilty is coming back
The steroids have made her face balloon but its now reducing as she reduces her dosage

I'm sorry to have to say but it has also put a big strain on the relationship
Personally, I havent been happy for over 5 years but I have tried and tried to make a go of it.
However, the last 18 months has just highlighted the weaknesses and we have agreed to seperate

Timing is shit I know and we still have a lot of stuff to discuss but its a joint decision

so we now have this to contend with

never easy is it ?

[kiwikrasher]

Hiya folks ... seems like ages since I last posted

Her healing process is going really well and her mobilty is coming back
The steroids have made her face balloon but its now reducing as she reduces her dosage

I'm sorry to have to say but it has also put a big strain on the relationship
Personally, I havent been happy for over 5 years but I have tried and tried to make a go of it.
However, the last 18 months has just highlighted the weaknesses and we have agreed to seperate

Timing is shit I know and we still have a lot of stuff to discuss but its a joint decision

so we now have this to contend with

never easy is it ?

Shit news mate. all I can say is it does get better once you get through it all. Although my ex didn't have cancer, she is dealing with some serious health issues, so I know how that can complicate the situation and your decision to stay or go.

One day at a time mate, it's all you can do.

[D41]

Sorry to hear the news...it WILL get better mate, much better.

Wishing you the very best, D.

[Kwacky]

There's never a good time to end a long relationship.

[Itchy]

Shit, man.

Let me know if you need anything.

[C00kiemonster]

Hiya folks ... seems like ages since I last posted

Her healing process is going really well and her mobilty is coming back
The steroids have made her face balloon but its now reducing as she reduces her dosage

I'm sorry to have to say but it has also put a big strain on the relationship
Personally, I havent been happy for over 5 years but I have tried and tried to make a go of it.
However, the last 18 months has just highlighted the weaknesses and we have agreed to seperate

Timing is shit I know and we still have a lot of stuff to discuss but its a joint decision

so we now have this to contend with

never easy is it ?

Bad news, but there is also no shame in it if you've tried and we all know how supportive you have been and can only try and imagine how much pressure you must be under. I can't imagine your state of mind right now, but I'm sure you have both done plenty of thinking and talking.

Good news I suppose is that Jo is responding well. I hope it works out well for you chappie

[duke63]

Spudda, didn't think life could have anymore shite to throw at you.

Keep positive, mate and as always if you need a talk, to have a rant or think any of us may be able to help in anyway, please don't hesitate to ask.

[Cornish]

Spudda, don't beat yourself up friend, timing is never good for these decisions, yet they must be made and often its the tonic people need to focus on what's really important to them...the Big C being kicked is key for you both and the boys clearly so glad to hear that is happening my friend.

Taking from your updates Spudda, it looks like you've both started to 'get the moose on the table' and deal with the cause of your unhappiness, which trust me is key to long-term individual happiness. The Big C is an unimaginable strain that i cant comprehend, yet maybe this decision will help you all. you're still supportive and will be I'm sure until she's home and settled, yet without a positive atmosphere at home these things can often return so I'm told, so good on you for being honest buddy; that's the hardest bit sometimes.

Thought's are with you, the misses, the boys and remember the Tankslappers are here to listen and support you when you need it Spudda.

[Kwacky]

Nicely put Cornish.

[Spudda]

Thanks Cornish

She 'appeared' back today ... it was going to be Monday but I came home from work and there she was, sat watching TV .. WTF

I spent the evening managering my footie team and then went to the gym before linking up with my old darting buddies

Good to catch up with them

So now, one of the Spudlets is with her in my bed and I'm stopping in his bed

Its clear she wants me gone but she has some more test results in 3 weeks and im digging my heels in until we know more.

I'm reluctant to sign up for a 6 month rental agreement (£4K) if she needs more treatment and cant cope and goes back to her folks ... but she cant see that

It'll be public this weekend by the sounds of things ... shes out with her besties for a meal so I guess she'll tell them then

[kiwikrasher]

Hey Spud,

It's amazing how quick they can turn once they've decided you're not wanted anymore.

If I can give a bit of advice, it's try and prevent the kids from witnessing any ill will between the two of you. I refused point blank to even engage in raised voices around the kids and just walked out a few times. I went through 3 divorces growing up and still remember vividly what it was like to be a kid in that situation.

Also try and make decisions with the kids best interests in mind. My ex initially refused to let me buy her out and insisted it got sold because "if she didn't have the house, I couldn't". But after finally getting through to her that I wanted the kids to stay in the house with one of us, as it is the only home either of them remember and I wanted them to stay in area for their school she came around and let me buy her out. Even if you want to get her to agree to something for your gain, put it back on her in a way that it looks like you are thinking more for the kids.

I recommend seeing a counsellor for yourself through all this, I did for 3 years and I reckon it's the only thing that kept me sane and she gave me some really good tools for navigating all the BS that comes will this situation. I know I'm miles away mate, but PM me if you ever need a sounding board.

[Perkles]

Good luck spudda ,I cant offer any advice but wishing you well through all of this

[C00kiemonster]

Oh spuds. I can only echo what kiwi said, the kids are key.

You also need to realise if it's over to look after yourself mentally and financially.

I'm suprised she wants you gone when you've been so very supportive of her and the kids.

To be honest your doing the right thing for your kids by staying. Plus it's your house as much as theirs. I was advised not to leave the marital home until a financial agreement is completed and signed. It puts you in a weaker position otherwise.

The best advise I got was to get a financial agreement signed way before you deal with any divorce or otherwise. If things change you can rip it up, if they don't, a divorce is way easier. A separation agreement can be obtained anytime.

Get some good legal advice early on before you do anything.

Chin up chappie

[Blade]

Just seen this Spudda.

Gutted for you mate and can't imagine what your going through. Can't add anything that hasn't already been said but genuinely feel for you and hope your ok.